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When news broke that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a loved one’s addiction fear the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”